Buried Past
by OnlyInYourDreamzz17
Summary: My take on Coulson and May's past


**A/N: Lots of theories zooming around that May and Coulson are Skye's parents, not sure about that it's unlikely but not impossible. We know May and Coulson have a past and I dunno if it was romantic or not or even if I want it to be romantic but it did inspire this. I tried to write a softer May as Coulson did say she was warm pre-Bahrain. I did the best I could with the little information given in 'Repairs' and hints thus far.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D**

* * *

**Buried Past**

She didn't get nervous, but she was. Her palms were so sweaty her bag could slip out of her hands at any given moment. It made her sick when she thought about the mess she'd gotten herself into, years of friendship and partnership thrown away. She stopped to swallow the bile creeping up her throat before she puked because she knew that night wasn't worth it.

May hadn't seen him for a few weeks, after their last joint mission they were both called away for separate assignments. When it came down to the work they did they both knew everything had to come second to the task at hand. So all their personal bullshit would have had to wait for another time. She brought that mentality with her when she was called into HQ. They didn't give her a lot of details, she just showed up with her travel bag ready for anything as she approached the Headquarters in Washington.

He stood in front of the heavy glass doors, security card in hand, evidently waiting on her. His presence didn't affect her as she anticipated it would. It must have been their friendship that stopped her from being anything but comfortable in his presence. He casually smiled at her and she hugged him on instinct, she hadn't seen him for a while it wasn't unnatural. He hugged her back tightly and it was the first time she felt like they would be okay.

"You heard anything yet?"She asked hauling her bag over her shoulder as he swiped for both of them.

"Something about Bahrain, it's a bit hostile right now so we're going under the radar with a small team."

He fell into step beside her as they navigated the busy halls until they reached the conference room for their briefing. Business as usual and she might just have survived it.

They were met with four more agents a few of which they knew personally and some from bouncing each other in the halls. Ernie had always been a reliable agent and both May and Coulson worked with him regularly. Dorian kept to himself mostly but the well-built agent was someone you wanted on your side in a bar fight and Cardinal Jones they didn't know well just that he was a respected agent.

She listened to the details as best she could, got the gist of things quickly.

_Index Asset Evaluation Intake, Bahrain, In & Out._

But she couldn't focus completely because Coulson kept glancing over at her during the briefing.

_DISMISSED_

She didn't catch anything before that and she had him to blame for that.

"Wheels up in an ten minutes May we need you on the ground so we're gonna lend you a pilot, just this one time."

She nodded at their Director, grateful that in her condition she wouldn't have to fly.

They dispersed immediately and she knew he was following her so she walked just a little bit faster but he was on her heels and reaching for her before she decided to full on run away from him. With her elbow firm in his grasp he spun her around to face him. He looked determined and it bit her in the ass because Coulson was persistent and usually got what he wanted.

"We need to talk..." He lowered his voice with all their colleagues passing in the hall next to them. She shushed him with her hand and dragged him to the locker room mumbling angrily in her native tongue.

"Do we really?" She asked but didn't let him answer before she continued. "It happened okay, so let's move on."

"Is that all you have to say about it we-"

"Did something we weren't supposed to, something we regret so what's the point in talking about it?"

"You regret it?" He asked in a tone of voice that scared her.

"Don't you?"

Sleeping with her friend seemed like a better idea when she was intoxicated. It was by no means planned. They'd seen some horrible things that week on a mission, retired to his place to drink the images away. Both had been void of any human contact for a while and needed to feel something after the week they had. She tripped on his rug, he caught her and neither saw the need to unwrap themselves from their embrace long after her feet were planted safely on the ground and then there was no turning back. They exhausted each other on his living room floor through the night. There was no awkwardness in the morning because she got up before him the next morning and fled his apartment before he woke.

It never occurred to her that their encounter was something more to her than a drunken encounter but he obviously had other interpretations.

"I-I don't know. I haven't thought about it." She ran her fingers through her long dark hair sighing.

"I'm being honest with you," He made her look him in the eye cupping her chin gently. "I think we should-" His hand fell quickly as Ernie barged into the locker room.

"There you two are, we're taking off right away."

"Thanks Ernie, see you on board." He said casually and she was impressed he pulled it off.  
He waited until Ernie left before he spoke again but she cut him off and kissed his cheek lovingly.

"We'll talk about it when we get back, promise." She smiled when she pulled away and he believed her so he allowed her to leave before him.

* * *

"So, what're you wanna do for the next fourteen hours?" He asked as they were strapping in for take off. She shrugged with a small smile as she had a few ideas.

They killed time on the flight doing Tai Chi, more like her doing Tai Chi and him failing miserably trying to mimic her graceful and deliberate movements. They laughed hysterically when one particular combination rendered him off balance and he fell to the floor. It was the best time she'd had in weeks and she came to believe that he was the reason why.

She slept with her head cradled in his lap for the latter half of the flight and he followed, soon they were spooned in a deep slumber.

* * *

An hour before they landed they met and to go over their plan of action.

"It's pretty simple, if you ask me it won't amount to anything." Ernie said looking down at the little intel they had on the 'Miracle Man' as he and his followers called him.

"Wait what do they think this guy can do?" May asked rubbing the sleep out of her eyes and leaning over Coulson's shoulder to peer into the folder he was reading from.

"Foretell the future, read minds all that junk...we just gotta prove they're a bunch of nut jobs."

"You sure about that Ernie, this guy could be legit. Everyone gets vibes now and again, like right now I'm getting a vibe that there's a surprise in your travel bag...right now." Her eyebrows arched and everyone there knew she was up to something.

She smirked as Ernie stared at her daring to look in his bag. Curiosity got the best of him and he ran toward his bag. The second he unzipped the bag he was blasted with shaving cream in his face.

"HOW?" He yelled wiping some out of his eyes and looking back at his laughing team-mates.

"Shaving cream and pressurized air."

"This bag has been in my sight this entire flight."

"It's called stealth and considering what line of work we're in I suggests you learn the word." She said over the others laughter.

"Got me this time Melinda..."

"And the time before that-and the one before that..." Coulson reminded him.

"Did you help her Coulson?" Ernie pointed an accusing finger at him. He raised his hands and shook his head. "That was all May, I was with her the whole time and I still don't know how she did it."  
May laughed and accepted her props from the others before they sobered up and got back to work.

"Okay, we don't know much about him but he goes by Miracle Man, people are really buying into whatever he's selling. If it's legit we add him to the index if not... like we all assume it is we get the hell out of here. How's your Arabic Coulson?"

"Not too bad."

"Good we're gonna need it."

* * *

"Strange place for a so-called psychic to live." Ernie said as they stared at the abandoned building.

"I think it used to be a school."

Cardinal pointed at a chalk board turned over at the side of the deteriorating building.

"Let's get this over with. I got a hot tub and a blonde waiting for me at home."

"Your cat is blonde Ernie, didn't know that." May teased and they all chuckled as they parked the van at the side.

Two armed guards at the door stopped them and before they could draw their weapons Coulson spoke to them and they stopped pointing their guns. Coulson chuckled with one of them at one point and May rolled her eyes in response.

"They say he's been expecting us." Coulson translated, more or less.

"Course he has."

"They're threatened by our weapons."

"Yeah right." Cardinal scoffed.

"Come on," Coulson coaxed. "He's a psychic, you really think we need guns?"

"Fine,"  
They relinquished their firearms in a barrel near the door. After they were all searched only then were they allowed to go inside.

"This place is creepy." Dorian said looking around.

As they walked through the halls they would hear sounds but nothing would be there when they went to investigate where the sound came from.

"I second that." Ernie said.

"Can we focus."  
The building became more complicated than it looked from the outside as they continued. The bottom floor seemed vacant so they began climbing the stairs. They met a young native girl on the second flight of stairs. She seemed just as lost as them and didn't help that Coulson's arabic was sorta-fluent at best.

"What are you doing here?" Coulson asked as she obviously didn't speak English.

"She's here to get her fortune told. Says she couldn't find him." Coulson translated again. They continued up the stairs oblivious to the danger they were all in.

"If this guy is really psychic I'd-" Coulson started but Ernie cut him off. "You'll what? In S.H.E.I.L.D history there hasn't been any proof of precognition, this is a waste of time and we all know it."

"Aren't there things you want to know Ernie, like when Melinda's next prank is going to be?"

"Never, I'm on alert. There's no way she can get passed me."

"I'll remind you of that the next time she does get to you. There are things I wanna know, like who's my soulmate, when I'm gonna meet her-or if I have met her already." He didn't even try to look away from May as he spoke. He could see that stress pulse on her neck and felt her hand pull him back as the others walked onto the second floor.

"Would you quit it, not here."

"I didn't say anything...unless you do think we're soulmates." He joked knowing she was too cynical to believe in soulmates but it didn't stop him from making fun of it.

She put on quite a fight but eventually cracked a smile and playfully pushed his shoulder. She looked on and realized they had lost the group.

* * *

They others roamed the second floor with the young girl in tow and were considering giving up when they found two men approaching them. One of them carried a handgun.

"You are the Americans?"

"Wait you guys speak English?" Cardinal said to the gun wielder.

* * *

Coulson and May heard the girl scream right before the first shot went off. Moving on instinct they slipped into one of the classrooms and closed in the door quietly.

A few more shots went off and a piercing scream no doubt from the young girl again ran through the building.

"What the hell is going on?" She panted heavily leaning against the wall next to the door.

He put his hand over her mouth and pinned them flat to the door as footsteps passed through hall. There were several armed men coming into the school and upstairs. He wasn't scared for his life as he was for hers. The footsteps dwindled the further they got away from the classroom Coulson and May hid in. Just when they thought it was safe they heard another sound sometimes voices but they were too far away to be heard. It probably was hours they stood silently in the classroom.

"We have to get the others." He whispered as they sunk to their knees.

"Can you get to the van?"

"Me? Melinda I'm not leaving you here alone."

"Agent May, not Melinda and you don't have much of a choice. I'm not leaving our team in there to die, and that girl can't be more than eighteen years old. I'll fix the problem."

"What does that even mean, it's suicide, there could be at least ten of them in there and that's only the men we counted coming in. Who knows how many there are in there?"

"I can't sit here and wait for them to die...for us to die. Trust me." She held the sides of his face and kissed him gently. She had pulled away before his arms could wrap around her.

"Just get to the van and-"

"Be careful...Agent May." She nodded and he just knew he'd regret letting her walk out later.

* * *

Getting passed the guards at the door was easier than he thought it would be. He had lunged a desk out the window and as they ran toward where the sound came out he slipped out as quickly as he could.

He had yet take a proper breath, not knowing would kill him if not one of the arms men.

Not long after he had called in at HQ and requested backup had the others come rushing out toward the van. They all filed in, Cardinal and Dorian supporting Ernie who had been shot in the leg and the young girl in front of them looking scared for her life but no May.

"Where is she?" He yelled and looked back at the door only to see the lifeless bodies of the guards.

"God Phil she's..." Dorian said breathlessly but Coulson didn't catch anything he said. He stared at the door almost willing her to come through, his feet itching so badly to burst in and turn the building upside down until he found her but the doors opened and she limbed toward him before he could. She was broken and broken up. Her body was littered with gashes and bruises.

Just her being alive was enough to distract him. He didn't realize then the emptiness in her eyes, though they were bruised, if he really looked he would have seen she wasn't herself.

"I fixed the problem." She whispered faintly just as she collapsed into his waiting arms.

* * *

When she woke up she knew she was in the SHIELD clinic. She knew the grey walls all too well, the pungency of alcohol and the blinding lights above her. As she shifted it all came back and her groaning was even painful. Her body felt like it was crushed every which way, everything hurt. She stirred and the warmth of a hand holding hers squeezed tightly before relaxing.

"You scared me." He said from beside her, she blinked twice before she could focus on him. Her vision wasn't clear, she could barely open her left eye.

Her throat was too scratchy to speak right away and she couldn't fathom nodding with the stiffness in her neck.

"You were amazing." He smoothed his hand against her hair and she wanted so bad for him to keep it there just so she could feel something warm. It came back to her once he moved his hand it made her ill thinking about it. The screaming, crunching of breaking bones, the taste of her own blood, the warmth of their blood on her hands. Her entire body ached at just the thought of pushing herself physically beyond limit.

"Agent May, good to see you're awake...after two days." The doctor stopped the other flashbacks that were about to torture her. He looked from her to the clipboard in his hands then to Coulson.

"Agent Coulson I need the room."

"Is everything okay?"

"Agent May is fine as you can see. Just routine."

Coulson released her hand and glanced back at her once more before he left her room.

"I know that look," She finally spoke though it was just a raspy whisper. "Did you find a tumor...or a lump?"  
She was only half joking but the graveness on his face shut her up as she braced herself for the two weeks to live news.  
"You have a serious concussion, a few broken ribs -"

"I know I feel pretty broken up." That was definitely not the bad news, she would heal and get better but his face told her it was much worse.

"Agent May I'm sorry but the fetus didn't make it. You took too many severe injuries to the stomach and abdomen."  
Her lungs shrunk and she struggled to breathe as his words weighed on her.

"The fetus-I'm preg-" She choked trying to say the words, her head spun.

"You were pregnant, a few weeks along. I'm sorry Agent May."  
Her eyes burned with tears until she was sobbing into her hands covering her face to stifle her sobs. Her stomach clenched up and she felt like screaming and vomiting at the same time. What would Coulson think of her-She was sick with herself, there was nothing more she wanted to do than get up and just run. Run from everything but she could barely lift a finger without wincing, she was barely getting along two seconds ago and now, now she was finished.

"Would you like me to call Agent Coulson back in?"

She couldn't be sure how long she laid there crying before she answered the doctor.

"No, just tell him that you gave me sedative. I don't want to see him, I don't want to see anybody."

She turned on her side and pulled the blanket up until it covered her completely. Her body shook as she sobbed uncontrollably. Subconsciously she wrapped a hand around her stomach and she thought she saw her and Coulson's life nine months later if she still carried a new life but it faded away as fast it appeared. She was taken back to Bahrain instead.

_"You'll kill him if you don't leave now." _

The supposed Miracle Man yelled over the screaming but she didn't listen. She thought he was talking about Coulson, it never occurred to her that she was with child especially when she was held down and pummeled into at one point.

He called her a murderer right before she snapped his neck. _  
_

How was she ever to be okay again?

* * *

Coulson considered breaking into the clinic to see her once she refused to see anybody, it'd been weeks and he just wanted to hear her voice and make sure she was okay.

Even as he sat in the layout room with a recovering Ernie, a shaken up Cardinal and a silent Dorian, he couldn't help but wonder what she must have been going through.

"We gave you all sometime to recover but we have several bodies and no story to go with it. What exactly happened?"

They all heard the Director's question but no one spoke right away. It seemed even they were still asking themselves that question.

"Once Agent May made herself known and the gunfire was directed at her our priority was the civilian girl and Ernie who was already hurt. We didn't see anything. The only person who could tell you what happened in there is Agent May sir. If I were you I would just take it for what it is, our people are safe, the bad guys aren't. I don't think it would do much good putting May through that again." Dorian said shocking everyone as he rarely spoke.

Coulson became more concerned for May's mental health rather her physical health as Dorian spoke.

"I respect that Agent Jones but we need to know something-"

"All you need to know is that Agent May is a hero." Dorian got up with that and left the conference unofficially adjourning the meeting as they all left after him.

* * *

She numbly walked out of the clinic in a pair of sweats that were two sizes too big. She had considered every scenario on talking to Coulson but none ended the way she wanted it too and decided for herself that it was best he didn't know about her miscarriage. Of course it did involve him as much as it did her but her lips were sealed and she had already buried it. A secret, her own personal hell.

She knew he'd be there waiting, she had refused to anybody while rehabilitating no matter how many messages he sent.

"You're okay." He opened his arms for a hug but she kept him at bay and pressed a hand to his chest stopping him.  
"I'm fine."

"Give you a lift home?"

"No I want to go to HQ."

"You really want to go there, after everything?" His concern was plastered on his face but she didn't give him any bullshit about him not having to worry about her because she wasn't okay and she didn't think she would ever be.

"I can find another way to get there Coulson so either you drive me or-"

"No, I'll drive you." He opened the door for her. It had gotten extremely cold in the car and he didn't know how to make it better when she wouldn't even look at him.

"I talked to Ernie and the others, they said you got them out but they didn't see what happened."

"I fixed the problem, saved our team that's what happened."

"I get that you don't want to talk about it, but was the guy legit, did we have our first psychic?"

"No, they were all crazy and deluded." She could never breathe a word about her time with the Miracle Man and what his words implied.

It was last thing she said before he pulled into the parking lot. Before she got out he held her by the hand keeping her from unbuckling her seatbelt.

"Whatever happened, I'm here for you. Anytime you want to talk I'm here."

"Phil we were kidding ourselves. That night was just what it was, a drunk mistake and it won't happened again so let's just forget about this 'us' stuff and move on with our lives."

"You don't mean that Melinda."

She shook her hand out of his and unbuckled her seatbelt. "I do." She didn't slam the door, it worried him because it meant she wasn't angry. Her words didn't come out of anger, she sounded surrendered and then he knew there was nothing he could do, he had already lost her.

* * *

Everyone stared as she stalked down the hallways, gossip was the same in high school as it was in S.H.I.E.L.D, she could only imagine how many variations of the truth there were already. Not that she cared what the word over the water cooler was. She was way passed that. She needed to run and be as far away from everything and everyone as possible, especially Coulson.

She ignored the Director's secretary and walked right into his office closing the door behind her.

"Agent May, the agency owes you a great deal of gratitude. What can we do for you? Some much needed vacation time I assume?"

"You assume wrong, the opposite. I want an assignment."

"So soon, may I ask why?"

"No, do you have anything for me?"

"There is one..." He rifled in a cabinet behind him before resurfacing with a manilla folder in his hand. "I must tell you...this particular assignment-we need it handled no exceptions."

"I'll take it." She reached for the file but he held on still.

"Agent May when I say handled I mean-"

"I understand exactly what you mean, and I said I'll take it."

She left the office a changed person, she knew it and he knew it. Until the day came that she didn't feel that way again, she would keep herself busy.


End file.
